the bully of our block

If you've met 'the Lou', you know she's no ordinary animal. She talks, open cabinets, fetches, and is rather rad-tastic. However, I can't claim fandom of her new desire to kick the crap out of anything that comes near or through the door of our apartment. She's like a guard cat, which should be cool, right? Generally, I find it funny, except when I'm trying to get in or out the door and she's screaming and hissing and I have to hold her back like we're in a bar brawl...

I have this theory that there's a stray cat who has discovered her existence and wants to be pals, so he/she hangs out around our door, waiting to ask if Kali can come out and play. Kali, on the other hand, is the playground bully and wants nothing to do with this cat. Nuh-theeng. One rainy day a few weeks ago, I popped the door open to leave for work, and there he/she was, sitting politely on the doormat. Kal took off like a bat outta hell and chased this would-be friend for a good 30 yards. My blood-thirsty beast now likes to sit at the front door and stare at the doorjamb, waiting for her victim to return.

Maybe I'll make her write sentences until she can be a nice girl...something like "I will not attack other kitties" or "The front door is for people, not for me". Since she doesn't have thumbs...that'll teach 'er for sure.

"don'tchu know I'm loco...?"