Mother Nature hater

Since Kali is a cat and has no opposable thumbs, its no surprise that she lacks any desire to conserve the earth on which she lives. The animal loves to drink out of the faucet. Or toilet. Or puddle. Or freshly watered plant. And as a little diva, she'll throw a hissy fit (hah - get it?! HISSy fit?!) if the bathroom faucet is turned off. Ever.

I, on the other hand, like this planet, and plan to inhabit it for many years to come. I've always felt horrible about leaving the water running 24/7, but no one sleeps peacefully if Kali isn't hydrated. I finally sucked it up and bought a Kitty Fountain. I know, right?! How LAME am I?! Soon enough, I'll have hundreds of cats and be morbidly obese, addicted to Cheetos and Maury Povich reruns. But I digress.

I got the box, and opened it up. I let it sit (dry) for a bit so she could scope it out.
Kal: Meh. Not interested.
FINE. I set the thing up, filled it with water and plugged it in.
Kal: Uh-uh.
I (duhn-duhn-duuuuhhhn) turned off the bathroom faucet.
Kal: WHAT.-THE.-HELL?-face

WTF IS THAT?!

methinks not.

THREE FULL DAYS passed, and despite my best efforts to show her how great it is and how its her special toy, no dice. I started to panic - what if she gets dehydrated and dies and its my fault?!?! I shared my marginally irrational fear with a few folks, who suggested I be patient (uhyahrite!). Tried it. And tonight, my friends, I'm proud to report that I can out-wait my damn animal...

Nicole 1, KLSM 0

the bully of our block

If you've met 'the Lou', you know she's no ordinary animal. She talks, open cabinets, fetches, and is rather rad-tastic. However, I can't claim fandom of her new desire to kick the crap out of anything that comes near or through the door of our apartment. She's like a guard cat, which should be cool, right? Generally, I find it funny, except when I'm trying to get in or out the door and she's screaming and hissing and I have to hold her back like we're in a bar brawl...

I have this theory that there's a stray cat who has discovered her existence and wants to be pals, so he/she hangs out around our door, waiting to ask if Kali can come out and play. Kali, on the other hand, is the playground bully and wants nothing to do with this cat. Nuh-theeng. One rainy day a few weeks ago, I popped the door open to leave for work, and there he/she was, sitting politely on the doormat. Kal took off like a bat outta hell and chased this would-be friend for a good 30 yards. My blood-thirsty beast now likes to sit at the front door and stare at the doorjamb, waiting for her victim to return.

Maybe I'll make her write sentences until she can be a nice girl...something like "I will not attack other kitties" or "The front door is for people, not for me". Since she doesn't have thumbs...that'll teach 'er for sure.

"don'tchu know I'm loco...?"